All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
