So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
