I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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