i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
