I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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