there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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