Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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