Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
