dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
