DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
