And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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