Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
