So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
