Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
