I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
