you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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