No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
