I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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