dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
