you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
