you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
