he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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