At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
