You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
