It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
