Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
