Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My sheets look like a crime scene.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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