I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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