Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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