i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
