I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I did not marry a roomba.
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