After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
