please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i've created a new STD.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
