totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
