Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
