I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
