well you can't waste a boner
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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