god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
