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I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
