Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
