As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
