Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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