My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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