mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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