mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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