I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
