afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
