Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
