Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
