trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
