omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
